1. MF Doom, "Born Like This"
2. Mi Ami, "Watersports"
3. The Thermals "Now We Can See"
4. X.O. "Realmatic"
5. Kid606 "Shout at the Döner"
6. Lily Allen, "It's Not Me, It's You"
1. Episode 212 of "Mad Men"
2. DJ Revolution Feat. KRS-One, "The DJ"
3. Deerhunter, "Microcastle"
4. The fantasy basketball value of Thaddeus Young
5. The unexpectedly nimble use of "More Than A Feeling" in "Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa"
1. "Hang Love" by the Burning Brides
2. Method Man as "Cheese" on "The Wire"
3. Sausage from Costco
4. Four-game sweeps over the Mets
5. Cheap sunglasses that communicate a certain amount of ego
6. "Office Boy" by Bonde Do Role (like Elastica, but much stoopider)
1. The site for The Good, The Bad And The Queen.
2. The effects of ground flax seed.
3. Ghirardelli's Espresso Escape bar. (I ain't even had one o' these yet, but I look forward to tweakin' out like a pomeranian in a firecracker pit.)
4. Medicine balls.
5. The Wook's "Kept #5." (Like "Piss Christ," but more stoopid.)
6. Cherkis, all squishy for David Lynch.
1. "Hell Hath No Fury" by Clipse
2. "Casino Royale"
3. Dusting off the ol' Risk board
4. Gettin' all-inned by yer wife in a hold'em game ... and losing ('tis good for domestic tranquility)
5. Borat's pronunciation of "anus"
6. The MAC (it's kinda like the old AFL)
1. Woodford Reserve bourbon
2. Being a music nerd in the autumn
3. The futility of the Redskins
4. The resilience of the ground cover liriope
5. The estimable crankiness of Henry Fonda in "On Golden Pond"
6. The Tracy Morgan commercials on VH1 for "Totally Awesome" ("You ever broken a Puerto Rican kid's arm for sweatpants money?")
1. Oneida "Happy New Year" (remarkably consistent)
2. Redman "Docs Da Name 2000" (ditto)
3. The defeat of Angela on "Project Runway" (death to rosettes)
4. The Wawas of rural Maryland (beyond oasis-like)
5. Stephen Colbert as "Esteban," future Cuban leader
6. Koy Detmer (you held it down for 5-foot-10, 185-pound dudes everywhere)
1. The Paper Rad DVD (pretty colors!)
2. "Trying To Never Catch Up" What Made Milwaukee Famous (I now have to confess to liking a band officially sanctioned by WXPN. Does this mean I have to forfeit my testicles?)
3. David Grann's "Lost City of Z" article from the New Yorker
4. The gore of "Munich" (That dude got stabbed in the forehead, yo! Spielberg should rock "Saw III")
5. Fantasizing about bitch-slapping the lame DJs on Sirius radio's Left of Center channel
6. Ribeye steaks
1. "Anthology" The Clean (Perhaps a repeat entry.)
2. "Porcella" The Deadly Snakes (Tradition!)
3. "Long Live The Kane" Big Daddy Kane (Dude is like, "I have shit to say.")
4. "Rather Ripped" Sonic Youth (Me = sucker)
5. "Brothaz" Mr. Lif (Dude is like, "I'm gonna say some shit.")
6. The likelihood that Germany's birth rate will rise due to the penalty-kick victory over Argentina.
1. "Reclamation" -- is there a finer friggin' example of the probable Venn diagram representation of punk v. dub?
2. "Latin Roots" -- you wish you could write a completely culturo-diverso chorus that pumps shots like this.
3. "Long Division" -- in college, you were all interested in the Delta blues, and then you realized that tonally, this is operating in that same range.
4. "Nice New Outfit" -- [REDACTED] I originally wrote some stuff about "fashion" and "revolutionaries," but when I woke up in the morning and read it again, I couldn't understand it. This song is good.
5. "Dear Justice Letter" -- some songs are nothing but mutated ZZ Top unless you are playing them with divine conviction in front of a nationally known marble-dominant monument.
6. "Stacks" -- the commitment to Carribbean timing adds an air of sweet militancy, should the players be fully vested in the ramifications.
1. The female "Slowsky" turtle in those Comcast ads. (Hot, in that cocky MILF way.)
2. "I, Phantom," Mr. Lif (an ever-giving salve for the undercompensated)
3. Having Travis Hafner of the Indians on your "head-to-head" fantasy baseball team (Mecha-productive!)
4. This righteously cool and predictable Spring, which must be a hallucination (I have an inkling that I'm passed out in a D.C. gutter somewhere, dreaming every single minute of it, while rashy and saturated in my own crotch sweat)
5. "Wolf Songs For Lambs," Jonathan Fire*Eater (I missed this one the first time around, probably because I was digging the Motards and Oblivians instead, and that's perhaps a good thing)
6. That face Rasheed Wallace of the Pistons makes when he's all mad at something (His eyebrows are like, knittin' sweaters & whatnot)
1. "The Sopranos" (if you don't like this season, you have forsaken your core values as a TV-lovin' fool)
2. "I Am Come" Part Chimp (insert elaborate horned-hand ASCII emoticon here)
3. The multilayered duplicitousness of the villains in this season's "24"
4. "Live At Basin Street" Clifford Brown & Max Roach
5. The Sage plugin for Firefox (only recently have I needed to actually organize my RSS life)
6. "Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room"
1. "Time Bomb" by Rancid (organs!)
2. "The Face Of The Earth" by The Dismemberment Plan (bass!)
3. "The Comedians Of Comedy" DVD from Netflix (nerds!)
4. Leftover spaghetti and meatballs (somewhere between leftover chili and leftover pizza in the "different, and yet surprisingly good when compared with its original state" department)
5. Generic chewable antacid tablets (somehow better than brand-name chewable antacid tablets when consumed specifically after leftover spaghetti and meatballs)
6. The surprising ease of freestyling new lyrics to "The Star-Spangled Banner."
1. The Pink Razors "Waiting To Wash Up" (rage, ye punks)
2. The Sword "Age Of Winters" (rage, ye longhairs)
3. The Slovak hockey team (rage, my people)
4. Cappuccino-flavored Powerbars
5. EA Sports Tiger Woods PGA Tour 06 (perfect, except for the fact that you can't turn off that friggin' Dave Matthews song that plays in the main menu)
6. Heath Ledger's performance in "Lords of Dogtown"
1. Black Uhuru "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner" (cusp o' the '80s)
2. "Army Of Darkness" (so '80s, but very '93, too)
3. The Cruise/Kidman makeout scenes from "Days Of Thunder" (If you need any validation that your sex life is hotter than the sex life of very good-looking Hollywood people, this is your tonic. The stuff from "Eyes Wide Shut" is so after-the-fact.)
4. The Mr. Eko character on "Lost" (Who said I've lost religion?)
5. Patron Silver, with a little lime juice, all day long
6. Mary Louise Parker (returning triumphantly to No. 1 on the Cesspool's shaglist)
In no particular order, with pure acceptance that all information is delivered without the excellence of King Tubby/Lee Perry tracks clouding/skewing/upraising the fun (not that either said genius should take a back seat, but these are recent acquisitions by yours truly, in the spirit of exploration, my friends.)
-- "Murderer" Barrington Levy (man, the flimic possibilities are endless, truly endless, and badass, still. Fuck Guy Ritchie. Make T-shirts. Attribute them to me.)
-- "Bam Bam" Sister Nancy (hypnosis, whoa, I mean, yeah, screw that DC-area snowboard shop's TV commercial, I own this for the time being. to boot: this is why the echoplex/echocomplex/echoknock/echoblock/echostoopid/echo-reverb-collect-ya-neck-on-the-deck/echo-separation was invented)
-- "Welcome To Jamrock" Damian "Junior Gong" Marley (way too new, but, y'know)
-- "Wolf And Leopards" Dennis Brown (the "Informer" song by Snow was bitchweak and overcheezed from the get-go; you knew this, I know; but when you hear *this track* later, you're like, "snitches are bad, in the truistic sense, perhaps.")
-- "Ring The Alarm" Tenor Saw (same riddim as the second one in this Sixpool, but, y'know, I'm actually now kinda pissed at Beenie Man and Guerilla Black for defiling this riddim in a pop way on that "Compton" track (which isn't necessarily terrible in that cheapo-gizmo way, which makes it more bad/good and thus inevitably disposable), although, if we're focusing on the idea that I'm slightly upset at Beenie Man, his "Who Am I" is definitely a PINNACLE of some sort, years after I first clawed around record shops trying to find the CD single, because it's incredibly obvious how great that song is, with only perhaps Sean Paul's "Stick Like Glue" competing in roughly the same arena, but with cheerleaders dressed in more black and less red. Among the lesser deities in that pseudo-theological sphere, but only slightly/moderately lesser, i.e. in the pop/hip-hop/dancehall sense: "Murder She Wrote" by Chaka Demus & Pliers, "Ting A Ling" by Shabba Ranks, "Tour" by Capelton, and I'm **definitely** forgetting a few.)
-- "Dry & Heavy" Burning Spear (I mean, shit, this might be the No. 1 of any No. 1 of anything you have to do with this kind of thing. Play, repeat, play, loudly, play more. You're like, "F dancehall." But, y'know, it's the next orbit outward, right?)
1. "Ichi The Killer" (Cheers to Wook)
2. "Give Blood," Brakes (so downtown, so nowhere)
3. Penn State football (just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in)
4. The Dharma Initiative "Orientation" film on "Lost" (has B.F. Skinner ever been referenced in prime time?)
5. Kilz oil-based primer (that's Masterchem, not Globochem)
6. "The Heart of the Congos," The Congos
1. Approximate quote from the ultra-mellow security-system dude -- a Redskins fan -- who worked in my place this week: "Joe Gibbs needs to realize that he was out of the league for awhile, and that counter-trey shit isn't going to work anymore."
2. Thoughts of slowly strangling the entire "talent" force of ESPN's "College Football Saturday" or whatever they call it. (An old fave.)
3. Wondering if Donovan McNabb is actually kinda chunky, or just big-boned.
4. The loosely affiliated nature of the talent of the Atlanta Falcons, and how it seems to be built specifically for video games.
5. Notre Dame, good again = dusting off sublime stockpiles of underused hate, hate, hate.
6. R.I.P. Chris Schenkel, perhaps the mellowest of all. (Props to "MNF" for giving him a halftime shout-out.)
1. The middle section of The Oranges Band's "The World And Everything In It" (an MK tip)
2. Richard Christy playing technically perfect renditions of famous drum solos ("Hot For Teacher, "Tom Sawyer") on the buttocks of porn star Lori Lust
3. Successfully combating blossom drop (insert Mayim Bialik quip here)
4. Insanely upbeat and courteous tire-store guys
5. "Lookin' at Taguchi it's about that time," via "Sportscenter" (source material here as wmv file)
6. Enforcing a strict moratorium on my intake of news items about shark attacks
1. Dontrelle Willis (MLB should be marketing him out the ying-yang)
2. Danica Patrick (you know exactly what I'm saying)
3. TV replays of the Rumble in the Jungle (the "Roadhouse" of ESPN Classic)
4. Manu Ginobili (behind-the-back moves into schoolyard finger rolls = nice)
5. The reaction of the Brits to Malcolm Glazer (fun, whether you care or not)
6. Not having to care about hockey in late May (somehow it just feels right)
1. "Gimme Fiction" by Spoon
2. "Beauty and the Beat" by Edan
3. "The Best of UGK" by UGK
4. "Buzz Or Howl Under The Influence Of Heat" by The Minutemen
5. "Only Built 4 Cuban Linx ..." by Raekwon
6. "Bowie at the Beeb" by David Bowie
1. Kid Dynamite — Kid Dynamite
It's perfectly cool, it's perfectly sunny, you have a portable music player and you walk around town to this. You want to grab fellow pedestrians by their collars and scream, "I'M LISTENING TO INFECTIOUS THROWBACK HARDCORE," because there's a possibility that such information might be valuable to them. Dogs look at you because they can hear the high-volume music sneaking out of your earbuds. You are one of the Kids on Coffee.
TOTALLY UNRELATED BONUS CONTENT: A riff on Ulrich Schnauss.
1. "The Station Agent" (best feel-good movie about a "little person" since "Eraserhead")
2. "Sound System" by Operation Ivy (you can smell the B.O.)
3. Chocolate ice cream shrouded in a dark chocolate shell (I got some on my shirt AND pants)
4. Vaginal intercourse (old habits die hard)
5. Gat-clappin' Iraqi shopowners (the NRA's wet dream)
6. "Career Finders" by The Perceptionists (give me one good reason why Shock G shouldn't be HUGE again)
1. "Electric Warrior" by T.Rex
2. "Easy Beat" by Dr. Dog
3. The "Hurley" episode of "Lost"
4. The 10-second "Oz" sketch on the Cartoon Network's "Robot Chicken"
5. Allen Iverson as crusty veteran
6. Chocolate ice cream, burnt coffee and imaginary fisticuffs
1. "24" Season One on DVD (still ridin' high)
2. "Zulu" by the Wrangler Brutes (album)
3. "Splinter Cell" on the Gamecube
4. "Here Comes Everyone" by Aloha (album)
5. "My Old Man" by The Walkmen (song)
6. Tomato-growing weather that lasts into November
1. Donating and/or discarding tons, literally tons, of old computer equipment due to the arrival of the new iMac
2. Diet grapefruit soda from A-Treat
3. The ill science of Philadelphia Eagles defensive coordinator Jim Johnson
4. "drukqs" by Aphex Twin
5. The tasteful-and-yet-funny "how to do ablutions if you have a wet dream" scene from "Osama"
6. The summery early-autumn of Washington
1. The shell macaroni/tuna salad at the Federal Market on 23rd Street
2. "Sleep Over Jack" by Guided By Voices
3. "Blue Cathedral" by Comets on Fire
4. "Penance Soiree" by The Icarus Line
5. "Leviathan" by Mastodon
6. Kevin Dillon on "Entourage"
1. Jeremy Piven on "Entourage"
2. Wilco's "A Ghost Is Born"
3. Salmon steaks grilled with fresh dill and Polish mustard
4. The guy at Hair Cuttery who distracted me from my hangover by soberly discussing Rick James
5. "Give It To Me Baby" by Rick James
6. Using a Leatherman tool to remove an ingrown beard hair
1. Rip Torn in "Dodgeball"
2. Steve Carell in "Anchorman"
3. "Los Angeles Is Burning" by Bad Religion
4. The kid who industriously said, "are you tryin' to play for money?" before I even set foot on the local basketball court this morning. (Wisely, I said no.)
5. "Down And Dirty Pictures" by Peter Biskind
6. Powerbars as afternoon snacks
To hell with all y'all suckers and your Top 5s and Top 20s. I'm going one louder and 14 shorter:
1. Danger Mouse & Jemini, "Ghetto Pop Life"
3. The Fiery Furnaces, "Gallowsbird's Beak"
4. Wario Ware Inc. Mega Party Game$
6. The Turbo Force super turbo high performance personal fan by Honeywell