Pop Cesspool

LET'S BE HONEST, VOL. 2773

Some of these moms are kinda hot:

OR, PERHAPS: Maybe I'm looking for some sort of an emotional-sexual refuge, after watching Sidney Crosby score that goal.

OH CANADA: You think you're one of a special breed/You think that you're his pet Pekinese ...

TWITTERVISION: MASHUP OF THE DAY

This combo was just too good to be true:

HOW TO SELL ICE DANCING TO THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE

The Wall Street Journal looked at it and said, "well, uh, guess we gotta go with the perceived-incest thing."

It's a slippery slope, though. Now they gotta do the "perceived homosexuality" thing when covering luge doubles.

And I think I saw at least one speedskater dude with a gigantic package. They should write about that guy.

JOHN MAYALL SHOULD HAVE A FEW WORDS WITH JOHN MAYER

A long time ago, when people still paid money for words, Richard Meltzer dropped this gem of intentional musical name-confusion. I totally wanted to do something similar with "John Mayall" and "John Mayer," but because the Internet is the ultimate funcrusher, I'm nearly sure of two things:

1. Somebody already has riffed on the Mayall/Mayer phonetic surname similarity (but fuck you, you should Google it; I won't).

2. There's gotta be at least one person who reads the Cesspool who actually would remember that Richard Meltzer piece and would Google it and then be like, "Meltzer was funnier."

Anyway, while we're pointing out things in twos, I point out two more things:

1. John Mayer is a knucklehead of the Nth degree, and I only point this out because I don't want you to be uninformed, gentle reader.

2. John Mayall has a new album called "Tough."

So yeah, smack that kid around, please, Tough Mr. Mayall, because sooner or later, somebody's accidentally gonna think you're the knucklehead who said all that dumb shit.

WHEAT MAKES YOU TOTALLY CRAP YOUR PANTS ... SO PUT IT ON YOUR HEAD INSTEAD

Aveeno has discovered a way that you can still love amber waves of grain even if those amber waves lead to cataclysmic bowel tremors:

THE WHEAT COMPLEX IS AMERICA'S FUTURE.

Poop safely and soundly, but with beautiful hair, yo.

QUATCHI KNOWS THAT WE ARE VISIONARIES

And so, more than 18 months later, it is still true that we cannot stop thinking about Quatchi. We've grown to know him quite well, and although he is generally a gentle and noble beast, we're pretty sure he steals our food sometimes. And he hasn't washed those earmuffs in awhile. Otherwise, though, dude can party, at least until the weed kicks in. If you hate him, you are an evil, soulless robot and you must be destroyed by Canadian weaponry.

(Photo by NowPublic.com user bensonkua.)

AND FINALLY, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, HERE'S ONE FOR THE LADIES

It's true. Just give me another day or two.

ADD TO THE SHITLIST: WHINY NEW ENGLAND SKIERS

From a WaPost weather chat:

Woubrn, Mass.: Please stop stealing our snow, I getting tried of skiing on man-made Snow in Vt., and it's getting wasted in D.C. where all you do is complain about all the beatiful snow you are getting at our expense. Seriously, what has casued this massive shift of snow to the south?

Ian Livingtson: But we are (or used to be) enjoying it! The southward shift in the storm track this season has had many causes. Both of our blockbuster storms were heavily steered by a large high pressure system in Greenland. This feature can help keep storms that would often drift north targeting our area.

Judging from those typos, it looks like that Massachusetts ski nerd is the only thing "getting wasted."

FAVE SUPER BOWL BON MOT

Yer Mom pretty much obviated any need for a "Baby Boomers Suck And They Need To Die" post. I'm left with one question, however, but I'm too lazy to go look: Is Roger Daltrey on the list of Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians?

YOUR HOROSCOPE = THE END OF 'MCCABE AND MRS. MILLER'

By Monday, as your happiness freezes in a giant snow drift, you will seek comfort in opiates.

THINGS TO TEACH YOUR CHILDREN

1. "WHOOP WHOOP" is the sound of the police.*

* Shitty Willis/Morgan/Stiffler movie trailer notwithstanding as a factor.

HOLY SHIT, THIS WEATHER MAP IS DOPE

Various discussions have noted that it is evocative of: culture wars; the Montreal Expos; Evel Knievel; orgasm; Bruce Jenner; geographic differences in "rocking;" Amtrak; and U.S. Speedskating. And other things. Enjoy:

OUR ICE CREAM SHOP NOW HAS 10 FLAVORS

PLEASE TURN ON YOUR TEEVEE IN A FEW WEEKS AND WATCH WHICH FLAVOR BECOMES THE BEST-EST FLAVOR. WE KNOW YOU LIKE THE BLUE ALIEN FLAVOR! THIS WILL MAKE YOU WATCH! (WE HID THE BLUE ALIEN FLAVOR AT THE BOTTOM BECAUSE WE KNOW YOU'LL ORDER IT ANYWAY! AWESOME!)