Pop Cesspool

ARTIFACT

Does anyone in your family own a non-ironic "Two Wolf Moon" cross-stitch? Somebody in the Cess Clan does:

PREVIOUSLY: All this Wolf Moon stuff is going to escalate mathematically, and nobody wants that.

SLIDES OF THE APOCALYPSE

Funslides exist because you bought a shitty McMansion and stuffed it with a platoon of bored kids and hundreds of yards of shitty carpeting. There is no other explanation. Please do not try to rationalize it. Nobody else is using them:

ALSO: You probably buy those toddler sneakers with the lights, too.

LEXICOGRAPHY: RAKIM EDITION

"Don't sweat the technique," Rakim urged, and logic tells us that he was speaking to "technique sweaters" everywhere. But neither The God Himself nor his acolytes were inspired to disseminate such an epithet, most likely because the imperative "don't sweat the technique" is suitably forceful and succinct on its own; flipping it into a nominative was wholly unnecessary. But its intellectual heft, nonetheless, is greater than the non-Rakim-inspired "player haters," which has become an idiomatic scourge in the interim. Of course, the phrase "technique sweaters" also has insurmountable semantic and lexicographical weaknesses. This cannot be refuted. The proposition, then: Claim the hate and keep the technique. Call your enemies "technique haters," for Rakim has earned this from you.

VIDEO: JINGLE

This shit will warm your heart, if it doesn't annoy the fuck out of you first. And that, people, is the razor we walk:

CHRISTMAS IS THE TIME TO LOOK AT THIS AWESOME CHART

"Relative Likelihood, Per Month, That You Will Hear A Billy Squier Song," chart by Pop Cesspool. Click to enlarge.

NOTES ON 'THE GREAT SPROUT TUCK IN' (MILDLY NSFW)

The Great Sprout Tuck In:

But, y'know, let's be honest ... this is the greatest "tuck in" of all time:

BONUS: Jay:

STEAL THIS RHYME

He got flow like Orinoco/He white not cocoa/If he In-ya, you go loco/He leave ya body broke, oh!