THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM HAD MY BEST INTERESTS IN MIND

Gucci Mane is going to prison, which is a gift from the godz, because it was getting to the point where I had to start asking myself, "do I want to put energy into giving a shit about this Gucci Mane guy?" And I suspected that I did not want to embrace him, because his name is fuckin' "Gucci Mane," and no matter how hard anybody might argue that he's actually a fantastic rapper and perhaps such a moniker is brilliantly simplistic, I can't shake the feeling that "Gucci Mane" is just, y'know, a banal manifestation of the man's fashion aspirations and his Southern accent. In short, no matter how you size that shit up, it's tacky like the white lady on "Real Housewives of Atlanta," which, incidentally, is the city that Gooch calls home. Well, not for the next 12 months he won't. And I will not be thinking about him during that year.