SOUTHERN FOOTBALL = EXCRUCIATING CHARACTERS

At the risk of inadvertently choosing sides in the SEC's big Pepsi-v.-Coke conflagration (in the broader pigskin context, I guess Texas is RC Cola, natch), I'm gonna just lay it down plainly: Watching Nick Saban gives me a weird kind of heartburn, like the kind you get when you walk into church or school or court, and you just know that the dude at the front of the room is a total prick about certain things. (In all fairness, Tim Tebow skeeves me out in equal, but different, measures.) Saban's disposition has whiffs of '80s corporate raider, '90s TV preacherman and '00s prickly politico, and I can't hack any of it. He conjures teenage urges toward subversion of authority. Like, I wanna anonymously put a bag of burning dog doo on his doorstep. But I'm gonna be a man about it: I wish I had a good football team, so I could play Nick Saban's team, and watch him be boilin' mad.

Orig. photoz here & here.