BRITNEY-FREE VMA ANALYSIS, YEAR TWO

Here's last year's version. I found last night's installment to be less compelling:

1. Is Russell Brand secretly a fatty? Those black jeans look like they contained some extremely womanly hips. Otherwise, he earned his money.
2. Lil' Wayne and T-Pain performed without dancers, without sidekicks, and largely without props (unless you count Pain's top hat and Wayne's own ass). For the VMAs, this is significant. Bonus: Kid Rock performed without sweating.
3. In the "most pleasingly bombastic" category, Pink had the superior volume-to-entertainment level when compared to Rhianna, Aguilera and Paramore. (Pink's bombast-to-record-sales ratio is probably much lower, I suspect.)
4. The Pussycat Dolls appear to be only months away from becoming the Milfycat Dolls.
5. I actually enjoyed watching the Blink-182 guy play his drums.
6. Katy Perry: I could destroy her at karaoke, but my boobs are not as nice.
7. Most irrelevant? T.I., surprisingly.
8. If you locked the Jonas Brothers in a room with no food, water or women, which Jonas Brother would ultimately survive?
9. Why did Slash laugh when he announced Linkin Park's award? I think we know why.
10. Death = a room full of filthy rich entertainers and their caretakers.
11. Dear Kanye, I had that suit in 1984 -- including the gray/beige boat shoes -- but it wasn't as nice as yours. And mine had a skinny black tie. (And when you are done with that suit, please give it to Kobe, because he's still wearing that schoolboy shit.)
12. If anyone is interested in creating an old-school sitcom involving the Slipknot guys, I've got some ideas for the pilot.
13. Taylor Swift has that "Entertainment Tonight" kind of presence. And I think I mean that as a compliment.
14. The Insatiable Eating Machine, I mean, Michael Phelps, did not come into the soundstage holding a pizza and some takeout Chinese.
15. Burn, Hollywood burn.