Former drug kingpins, there's a second career calling you -- and it's not strip clubs, condo development, music production or car dealerships. Disney needs help with its product development and marketing. From the WSJ:
But while Disney appears to have exploited every corner of princess
mania, it is also under pressure to keep its $4 billion princess
franchise growing. So Disney's princess minders are hoping to hook even
younger girls and their moms on the craze with a new range of princess
products aimed at newborns. The princess clan will feature on cribs,
diaper-changing mats and other infant products next year.
Eventually you'll be helping Disney move the hardcore product: bridal gear. But like any good operation, there are intermediate highs to sell:
The ultimate aim is to waltz girls from one franchise to another well
into their teens. After fairies, Disney is attempting to hook them on
"Kim Possible," "That's So Raven" and "Hannah Montana," all playing on
the Disney Channel, and then serve up "High School Musical" for older
If people around you are talking in an annoying meme-ish dialect -- such as "pirate," "izzle" or "lolcat" -- then feel free to respond to them in full-bore Jacketish (also known as Ermeyish), the drill-sargeant parlance heard in Full Metal Jacket:
"As soon as you finish your bunks, I want you two turds to clean the head."
It's time for brutal selfishness, folks! And that can only mean one thing: Poppa Cesspool wants to buy himself some toys. Your consumerish comments about the following items would be greatly appreciated. Relevant info is provided:
1. Wii. I make it to the gym a couple times a week (sometimes even three times). Buns of titanium, yo. So I'm not necessarily enamored with the idea of burning calories while playing vids (or getting tendinitis, for that matter). I'm generally a Nintendo partisan, so I'm not scared off by the general happy-happy vibe of the company's games.
2. PS3. Sony bugs me sometimes, even though I know that such comments might be heresy to at least one dude. And it seems like there are 40 million variations on what kind of PS3 you can buy. That is stupid. But I did play a shoot-'em-up on the PS3 a few weeks ago, on a high-def TV, and it was nice.
3. Xbox. If Sony bugs me, then Microsoft is a full-blown rectalitch. But the Xbox is like one of those situations when you're a Ford dude, and Chevy comes out with an undeniably cool car, and you're like, "I'm a Ford dude, but I'd buy that."
4. HDTV. I probably can't afford to buy a big, wall-sized one, but I do get the impression that buying a small one is actually an OK thing, because the high-def-ness of it will instantly make it better and more viewable than my ancient-ass RCA toob (which is still a pretty good TV, tall things considered). If you've gone small and been satisfied by the results, let me know.
5. Civilization IV for the Mac. Now, before you get your knickers in a knot over the fact that I'm talking about playing games on a Mac -- and not some souped-up PC -- keep in mind that buying a new, addictive computer game would merely serve as temporary salve until I decided on a traditional video game system. Civ IV seems to be getting crappy reviews in the Apple store, not because the game itself is bad, but because the company that ported it to Mac format seems to have done a half-assed job. I have a feeling that Grampz might be the only person who can help me on this.
6. The Movies for Mac. Just tossin' it out there, because some Apple geeks seem to be crazed for it.
Seems like they should've waited for the holiday leftover season, but whatever. And why are those people in the picture so mad? I mean, it's probably a pretty bland, inoffensive dish, but that's no reason to be all depressed & shit:
Leave it to Dean Ween to make an enticing (yet totally curmudgeonly) anti-iPod argument. East Coast, East Coast, yo:
The thing about La Cucaracha is it's a lot more fun than the
last record. It's like a party record. When we decide what's making the
cut, we factor in how it works with the other songs. I don't think
enough bands think in terms of records any more, but we definitely do.
I get sick when I think about someone going to iTunes and downloading
two songs off our album. It's not meant to be listened to that way. But
you can't expect too much of people. That's how people listen to music
and buy it. But we put a lot of time into sequencing the record, and
making it flow. We put a lot into the artwork, the whole package. And
we take a lot of time to make it sound good. We recorded this record to
tape, which is expensive, and those big machines are cumbersome and
require a lot of maintenance. But we try our best to make it sound as
good as we can. And then I think of somebody with those little fucking
ear buds stuck in their head—whenever I see someone with an iPod, I
want to take it and smash it or steal it. I hate everything about it,
especially since it says "Designed In California" on the back. It's
fucking gay. It sounds like shit.