GREAT MOMENTS IN HYGIENE

After days of absorbing too much MTV Hits, I fully accept the mandate to celebrate the best "MTV Unplugged" performance ever, LL Cool J's "Mama Said Knock You Out." It's superior for many reasons: The nearly all-white backing musicians, playing as if somebody had taken food from the mouths of their babies; the simmering energy of the crowd, which wasn't quite sure how to act, because the Unplugged milieu had evolved into something slightly stuffy; the song, which demands intensity from all who attempt it sincerely; and LL himself, who simply showed up and slayed shit.

Nothing about LL's throwdown, however, is more endearing than his underarms: Caked with hard-working antiperspirant, these pits are the pits of a man, a man who cares about his personal odor, because the Ladies Love him. You put on that much antiperspirant because you know you're gonna be doin' a job. And damn, LL pushed that shit to the limit, particularly when he did his sweaty double-mic grab. One gives out, releasing a squall of feedback, and he chucks it to the side. The message is: I handle the mic like I handle my business. And I smell nice, too.

Previously: LL and Old English