Pop Cesspool

WET WET WET

The Cesspool, knower of all things dirty and liquid-y, officially rules that Ethos Water is dumb, no matter what its ethos is. I have a feeling that the Green Guide, which may or may not be annoyingly hippie-ish despite its respected Consumer Reports-style mission, has some dead-on answers in the tap v. bottle argument. But, like, I'm too lazy and too cheap to actually buy a subscription.

CLIPS

The Sword | Antelope

THE SIXPOOL (IS NOT QUITE FILLED WITH RAGE)

1. The Pink Razors "Waiting To Wash Up" (rage, ye punks)
2. The Sword "Age Of Winters" (rage, ye longhairs)
3. The Slovak hockey team (rage, my people)
4. Cappuccino-flavored Powerbars
5. EA Sports Tiger Woods PGA Tour 06 (perfect, except for the fact that you can't turn off that friggin' Dave Matthews song that plays in the main menu)
6. Heath Ledger's performance in "Lords of Dogtown"

AH, SUBTEXT

I love it that when anybody in the Philly media writes about the Phillies' broadcasters -- and particularly about how Harry Kalas and Chris Wheeler don't get along -- the unspoken assumption is that Wheeler is definitely the jerk, and not Kalas.

GOOD CALL

Eva Green as the next Bond temptress.

An indication of my overall interest in "Kingdom of Heaven"? I didn't even know she was in it.

(And no, this post is not meant to compensate for the homoeroticism of the previous Scott Stapp/Kid Rock entry.)

THANK YOU, THUNDAH

The Purple One posted this story in the comments section of the TOO RIPE post, and I'm not gonna pass up the opportunity to riff on it. Sample dialogue, with massive apologies for the outcome:

STAPP: (daydreaming) These girls are hot, but I want some of that American Badass.

GIRL NO. 1: Scott, are you even interested in this? Because I'm not feeling anything.

ROCK: (daydreaming) I bet he can take me Higher.

GIRL NO. 2: Hey, Kid, it's OK when you pull my hair, but now you're hurting me.

STAPP: (smacking hands with Rock) Whoo! This is awesome. Wanna trade?

ROCK: You know it, buddy.

[STAPP and ROCK begin to swap females. STAPP's male member brushes the thigh of ROCK.]

STAPP: Oops. Sorry about that.

[ROCK's considerably larger male member brushes the thigh of STAPP.]

ROCK: Whoa, clear the way for the weapon of mass destruction.

[STAPP and ROCK begin copulating with each other's female. They can't stop looking at each other.]

... the possibilities are, unfortunately, endless.

CLIPS

Mary Timony Band | Dem Franchize Boyz (second one after Train)

TOO RIPE

Man, if I were David Cross, I'd be booking a half-hour on Comedy Central just to re-eviscerate Scott Stapp. It's easy pickins, but so what? (And that article doesn't even mention the recent Beth O. incident.)

Background here.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY

Next time you're in an aggressive, high-energy sports argument with a bunch of toughguys, say "touché" when somebody makes an effective counterpoint. Let me know how it goes.

MISSED OPPORTUNITY

Simply calling it "Oprah & Friends" sorta goes against company policy, doesn't it? It should be something with stronger brand identification. I'm thinking "The Oprah Winfrey Channel: Oprah and Friends of Oprah."

PUBLIC OFFICIAL OF THE WEEK

Treasury Secretary John W. Snow says President Bush's fiscal 2007 budget request "represents the president's dedication to fiscal discipline, an efficient federal government and the continuation of a thriving U.S. economy."

The eyebrows of Treasury Secretary John W. Snow say, "fetch me a cheese sandwich and a Snapple before I get all Ming-the-Merciless on your ass."

ZEN-ISH

G2 Metrobus, Washington, D.C., Feb. 3, 2006.

STEAL THIS BAND NAME

Clap Your Gat Say Yeah

I'd put it up there with REO Speedealer.

I guess you could go with a variant such as:

Clap Your Gat Say Hell Yeah

 

or

Clap Your Gat Say Yeah, Yeah

 

or

Clap Your Gat Say Uh!

 

REFLECTION ON A SYNDROME OF MEMES

Yeah, OK, the Chuck Norris thing is having its day. But it's a whole lotta sellin', y'know?

Nobody has to sell Charles Bronson. With Bronson, you celebrate his lifetime achievements.

Wook, where that black velvet at?