We join the "Suburban Haunted House Tour" already in progress:
... and what do we have here ... it's a Playstation with only one controller [children scream] ... and over here, it's, it's ... it's the horrific sight of an SUV with no DVD player [more screaming; one child vomits] ...
DUNKIN' DONUTS INTRODUCES NEW HIP-HOP INSPIRED 'BOOM-BAPPUCCINO'
PHOTO: The Boom-Bappuccino will be available in retro-themed carryout containers.
BOSTON -- Dunkin' Donuts announced Friday that most locations will begin offering the Boom-Bappuccino coffee drink in an attempt to win over hip, urban customers. The drink -- a mixture of the chain's signature coffee with premium cognac and steamed milk -- takes its name from a hip-hop term often used to describe the loud rhythms traditionally associated with rap music's early days in the Bronx. In some West Coast markets, especially those in California, the drink will be known as the Drop-Toppuccino, in reference to the local preference for convertable-top autos. "We flirted with the idea of creating a special mixture of coffee, milk, codeine and promethazine for the Houston market, but the FDA wouldn't clear it," said Dean Glotterman, a public relations specialist for the food vendor. "It would've been called the Syruccino." Houston rappers are notorious for popularizing narcotic cough syrup as a party drug.
But I read it today: "Walking into the woman's cluttered apartment, he can smell death. He
has something he finds particularly helpful on such occasions: cheap
cigars, stashed in his jacket pocket and the glove box of his car. He
doesn't normally smoke. But the aroma of his Black & Milds masks
the putridness of rotting remains."
PHOTO: Jarvis added that the Chex themselves will be customizable down to their ingredients, such as "bulger wheat and hand-picked organic Thai rice."
NEW YORK -- Chex Mix Inc., hoping to expand its market share among hard-core snackers, announced Wednesday that customers now will be able to create hundreds of different "small batch" mixtures of the company's signature snack food. "We got a lot of complaints from people who wanted us to put peanuts into the Cheddar flavor mix again, but it just wasn't feasible at a national scale," said Truman Jarvis, the company's CEO. "So we decided to take a page from the brewing industry, and also sneaker collectors." In the same way that customers can build custom Vans skateboard shoes or other sneakers onine, Chex Mix eaters will be able to use the company's Web site to design their own mixture of dark Chex, light Chex, cheesy triangles, pretzel stix, pretzel-Os, pretzel grids, little toasts, little bread sticks, peanuts, cashews, mini-crackers and other "limited-edition snack items," according to Jarvis. Each 8-ounce bag of custom mix will retail for $9.99 and come with a certificate of authenticity, Jarvis said.
Due to a combination of fantastic weather and prior commitments, the Cesspool will be publishing intermittently over the next week or so. If this bothers you, feel free to vent your anger in the comments section. Even if this does not bother you, feel free to vent your anger in the comments section.
Don't ask why I was looking, but imagine my disappointment when I discovered that staturines.com was taken. I mean, they're not statues or figurines, they're staturines. It's brilliant. If anybody wants to get in on the business plan, let me know. First we'll raise money to buy out the domain name, and then we'll conquer the Sunday coupon-clipper section. Franklin Mint? Weak.
1. "Ichi The Killer" (Cheers to Wook) 2. "Give Blood," Brakes (so downtown, so nowhere) 3. Penn State football (just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in) 4. The Dharma Initiative "Orientation" film on "Lost" (has B.F. Skinner ever been referenced in prime time?) 5. Kilz oil-based primer (that's Masterchem, not Globochem) 6. "The Heart of the Congos," The Congos
After weeks of nothin' but gloriously pleasant dry air, the skies finally opened on D.C. today. For various reasons related to the biological comfort of a sweaty Polack (yours truly), the extra humidity is unwelcome. But the rain itself has been like a big power-wash -- the gutters ran thick with water that was dark brown, oil-skinned and foamy. All y'all San Franciscans probably know exactly what I'm talking about: When it mists heavily after one of those notorious months of blue SF skies, I'm sure that city becomes a gigantic river of reconstituted pee and urban silt.
Everything you thought you knew about Frank Black is true. From the October 2005 Spin magazine:
What has been your biggest thrill over the past 20 years?
Changing my son's diapers. I mean, he loves it because he's got shit smeared all over him, and it's bothering him, and I've finally woken up and seen the light and am like, "Oh yeah, you have shit smeared all over you, you don't want it on you." And so I lay him down in an area where I change him, and he's psyched. He's laughing ang going, "Waaaaa." He can't believe his good fortune. We're looking at each other, and it's psychic, and we're talking and laughing, and just having a really good time.
SIDE NOTE TO DAS EMPRA, AND DAS EMPRA ALONE: I imagine that it's occasionally like this in the Emp household, too.
ADDENDUM: In the same issue, Ian MacKaye adds this:
I mean, you don't have to do anything, except drink lots of water and procreate the human race. That's all we have to do -- and shit, of course, or you'll go toxic.
Econo is now up and running. Many smart people have been laboring in their free time to make it all shiny and new. Give it a click-through. If you're interested in contributing some journalism, some opinions, some photos or whatever, just let me know and I'll put you in touch with the right people.