SPORTS

It was a morning of dillweeds on ESPN. The big story was Bill Parcells taking the helm of the Cowboys. What an embarassment. My bowels loosened as I beheld one of the sharpest men in American sports become the dutiful deputy to Jackass Jerry Jones himself. The "Sportscenter" interview with the two of 'em was silly: Parcells, normally articulate, struggled to succinctly answer questions about how he'll deal with Jones' meddling ways. Maybe he took the job with the secret intention of emasculating Jones. In that case, the next stop on the Parcells tour would have to be Washington, where he could be a thorn in the side of Doofus Danny Snyder. We can only hope. Dillweed No. 2: Jeremy Shockey of the Giants. Yeah, he's good. But he's a TIGHT END. Only in New York could a tight end become a glamour guy. Shannon Sharpe never got this kind of hype. But Mark Bavaro did. Ugh.